Mommy Brain is REAL people!

Our newest little girl was born September 30th. 8 pounds, 12 ounces, 20 1/4 inches long.

She is pretty perfect.

Despite the fact that she is a wonderful baby who is generous enough to let us get sufficient sleep, my brain is mush. Just like "pregnancy brain"... "mommy brain" is a very REAL thing! 

Several times over the last 5 weeks I have opened my laptop with a wonderful topic to write about, ready to be alone with my own thoughts and....... then I have nothing. 

No, wait that's not true. 

I have pinterest...and facebook...and amazon...

Things that I can mindlessly scroll through for hours before realizing that I never 

finished (or even started, oops) that blog post! And now baby is awake and ready to eat again. Maybe I will get to that post later...

....or maybe I will actually do one of the things I have pinned on pinterest.

As I am recovering from a cesarean  I'm a little bit slow to get back to "normal" (whatever that is). Though the times I feel some energy, I get all excited and motivated to do things! 

Like, 5 things. 

At the same time.

Last night I started to organize my closet, then I remembered that I wanted to take out the baby's newborn stuff that she has already grown out of. I went to her room, folded three footie sleepers and started to pile them on the floor when I remember that we don't have any burp cloths clean. I gathered up all the girls' blankets and towels and started them in the washer. While I was in the basement I remembered that I needed to do a couple things for my Etsy shop. I went upstairs and printed out some order invoices for custom orders I need to make. I took the invoices out to the kitchen table and realized I needed to make dinner. Got dinner ready for the three-year-old, nursed the baby, and started to clean up the kitchen. Husband comes home and asks why there is a small pile of footie sleepers on the floor of the baby's room. 

Oh yeah, I forgot I was doing that. Oops.

Is postpartum ADD a real thing? 

What kind of parent are you?

This is a topic we have addressed in our home today, so I thought I would share it with you. 

Do you realize how powerful you are? YOU have the power to change your child. Or at the very least, change how your child responds to you. Many parents stress about the way their child acts and wonder why, failing to realize that they hold the key! You can change your child's attitude or responses by first changing YOURS. 

Did you know that there are FOUR different styles of parenting? Each is defined enough that we have names for them and can be identified easily by certain characteristics. There are two that are more common, and most parents identify with one of the other. One is authoritarian and the other is authoritative. They sound pretty similar don't they? Let's see which one you are.

Authoritarian parents have high expectations of their children (i.e. expecting a two year old to sit quietly for a long period of time), demand automatic respect (i.e. "because I said so" or "because I'm mom/dad"), expect automatic obedience (i.e."it's my way or the highway"), and feel the need to be in control of every aspect of their child's life. It sounds intense, and you might say right away that this is NOT you at all! But think about your interactions with your child...you might find that this is all too familiar. 

Authoritative parents are not passive by any means. Just because they don't quite "lay down the law" like authoritarian parents, doesn't mean that they don't desire the same outcomes. We all want our children to respect us, to listen to us, and to behave appropriately. What is different with authoritative parents is the way they go about getting those results. Authoritative parents also have limits and rules, the difference is that they take the time to explain the REASONS for those rules. The rules/limits are CLEAR and appropriate for the age of the child. They give their children choices and allow them some control. They listen to their children and acknowledge them. The child in turn, feels heard and respected. They understand the reason for the rule and are more likely to follow it. I have always felt that respect is a two way street. Respect is never just granted, I feel it has to be earned (to be TRUE respect). To be earned, it also has to be given. This is true in any relationship. Why is it suddenly different when that relationship is between an adult and a child?

Authoritarian parenting results in opposition, defiance, and rebellion. Like that three year old that talks back to you and tells YOU no, making your blood pressure go up. Authoritative parenting results in a mutually respectful relationship with considerably less conflict. Disclaimer: your child WILL still test their boundaries. They are going to do it I promise. But it's just that, a test. Will you pass? Can you keep your own emotions under control and focus on your response? Keep at it, stay consistent with your reasons and reinforce your clear expectations. 

It sounds pretty clear which parenting style is more effective right? That doesn't mean one is any easier than the other. It is MUCH easier to tell your child "no" and "because I said so". It's so much easier to be stressed and angry instead of trying to understand why your child is screaming in the middle of Target. What I hope you realize is that if you want your child's behavior or attitude to change, the first thing you have to do is change your own. 

Think about a conflict you had with your child today (I'm sure you had at least one!). How did you respond? Did you tell them NO without explaining why? Did you get upset because they weren't listening to you? 

Tomorrow, take the opportunity to really pay attention to your kids. Try to understand what they are thinking and feeling. Acknowledge it. Label it. Don't dismiss it. Just because your child is, well, a child, does not make them any less of a person than you are. Think about how YOU would feel in their situation. Honestly. Do it. 

No Easy Task

I have spent six years of my life studying child development and theory, family development and psychology, infancy and prenatal development...

I've spent countless hours caring for young children and several years teaching two and three year olds... 

With all of the knowledge and experience I have packed away, I felt extremely confident when we brought our first daughter Nora home from the hospital three and half years ago...

Let me tell you something...Being a parent is HARD. 

Being a parent is the toughest AND most important job you will ever have in your lifetime. Part of what makes parenting a challenge for me is KNOWING how important EVERYTHING I say or do is. And it is. The experiences a child has in their first five years of life develop who they will be, what they will become; it will shape their thoughts and opinions, define their personality, affect the choices they make, and their relationships for the rest of their life.

Feeling the pressure yet? 

Parenting is no easy task. 

I've opened "the Family Room" as a place to encourage and help parents by sharing my knowledge of child development combined with my "on the job" experiences. I hope that by sharing my journey, both the positive and negative, you will find...

...support, because you are NOT alone
...encouragement, because bad days happen to the best of us
...community, because we NEED to be able to relate to someone in our same situation and/or phase of life
...confidence, because you CAN DO THIS!

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I hope you stick around :) Find my facebook page at www.facebook.com/familyroom and use it as a place to ask advice from other parents and offer suggestions or success stories that may benefit another family!